---
title: "end"
date: "2024-08-13"
---
Someday I'm going to die.
Maybe it will be in 80 years, maybe it will be tomorrow. I don't know.

And that uncertainty is *scary*. Because I like living! I have so many things I want to do!
I don't know how much I'm going to be able to get done in my life. How many of my dreams will never be fulfilled.
And sure, I can "take life one day at a time" or "focus on the things that really matter" or whatever proverbial oversimplification you want to repeat.

But of course, nothing can truly be summarized in a few words.

I don't *know* exactly what's most important to me.
I don't *know* how to accomplish the things that are.
I don't *know* if I have enough time left.
I don't *know* if I'll even still be interested 2 months later (screw you ADHD)

Ironically, these uncertainties act as roadblocks as well. Not knowing is scary and it makes it harder to actually get things accomplished.
If I didn't spend so much time worrying about how much time I have, I would have more time.
It's irrational and illogical and stupid.
But hey, I'm human. Humans can be irrational and illogical and stupid.